I move like a slug...

Seriously, I post this stuff because I really want to  know if I'm the only one who experiences this stuff.  If anybody out there, anybody at all, can relate to anything here, please, PLEASE comment and let me know.  Surely I'm not the only person in the world who is the same way, does the same things and't  thinks the same as me. 

Why do I move like a slug?  It's 11:24 am here, and I am sitting in the same place doing the same thing as I was 2 hours ago.  I honestly don't know where my time goes.  Every day I wake up with a huge list of things I'm going to do that day, and at about 11:00 pm, I haven't done any of them, and I wonder where the time has gone.  I seriously don't just sit on the couch and watch TV, I'm always doing SOMETHING, but it just seems like it takes me 10 times as long to do ANYTHING as it does 'normies'.  Why is that? 

I get sidetracked so easily, like if I'm on the Then, when I have ideas when I'm doing something else, I have to stop what I'm doing to write it down so I don't forget, because I forget EVERYTHING as well.  And there is a certain order to doing things which often immobilizes me as well.  For example, If I need to go to the store, I want to get everything I need while I'm out, and in order to do that I need to fiind my list, then I need to check my coupon website to see what's on sale, then I have to go through my coupons, and in order to do that, I have to clean out my e-mail to  make sure I get all the e-mail coupons, then I have to print those and cut them out, then I have to  match up the coupons up with the sales...and by that time it is too late to go, so I skip it, and I rarely go to the store.  This is my life.  It makes me crazy. There's probably a reason I don't have a job.  I honestly don't know if I could handle a job...I don't know how I ever did it before...??

I feel drugged...

Monday, December 6, 2010

I feel drugged...

Ok, soooo...I'm a recovering alcoholic, and have been sober for 8 years.  Why, then, do I always feel like I've been drugged when I'm sleeping?  When I wake up in the middle of the night, and in the morning, I can't even walk or see straight; I can't even focus my eyes enough to read the time on the the alarm clock.  Why is that? Is that normal?  Do other people feel like this? 

I can't wake up like a normal person...I absolutely HATE waking up!  I have to set my alarm for 3 or 4 different times, and it drives the rest of the family crazy, but I can NEVER get up on the first try.  I don't know why, and I have tried for years, but I just CAN'T.  I know that sounds so lame, but it's true.  I would welcome any thoughts and suggestions from anyone at all; I hate that I am so irresponsible that I can't even get myself up in the morning, but I don't know how to do it. 

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Bear With Me…

I really wasn’t ready to start this, but as I was putting up my joke of a Christmas tree, I felt compelled to jump right in.  I’ll fill in the details later, but I was just remembering all the things I have lost because of my craziness, and am wishing I could have been happy with the things in life that would have made normal people (from here on out will be referred to as “normies”) happy and content.  As I was opening the branches of my 3′ tall tabletop Christmas tree upon a small table in my itty bitty apartment, I was remembering past years-before I decided to uproot my family and throw away most of our belongings and toss out what few traditions my children had and cherished.  I was remembering all the years we took the kids to the Christmas tree farm-even when my son was just weeks old, bundled up and in a pack on my chest-and for every year after until the last time we went when that same son was  old enough wo cut the tree himself.  I remember the kids having snowball fights at the tree farm, the candy canes the owners gave them every year, and how we would always walk every inch of the farm in search of the perfect Christmas tree, only to end up getting one right near the truck.  The kids loved that, and I always hated putting up the tree, but I loved our tradition of going to get it with the kids.  Now, we’re lucky to even put up this small one, as Christmas just isn’t the same anymore. There is no family around, nothing resembling Christmas, really…but Hey! I have the beach…isn’t that what I wanted??