I feel drugged...

Monday, December 6, 2010

I feel drugged...

Ok, soooo...I'm a recovering alcoholic, and have been sober for 8 years.  Why, then, do I always feel like I've been drugged when I'm sleeping?  When I wake up in the middle of the night, and in the morning, I can't even walk or see straight; I can't even focus my eyes enough to read the time on the the alarm clock.  Why is that? Is that normal?  Do other people feel like this? 

I can't wake up like a normal person...I absolutely HATE waking up!  I have to set my alarm for 3 or 4 different times, and it drives the rest of the family crazy, but I can NEVER get up on the first try.  I don't know why, and I have tried for years, but I just CAN'T.  I know that sounds so lame, but it's true.  I would welcome any thoughts and suggestions from anyone at all; I hate that I am so irresponsible that I can't even get myself up in the morning, but I don't know how to do it. 

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Bear With Me…

I really wasn’t ready to start this, but as I was putting up my joke of a Christmas tree, I felt compelled to jump right in.  I’ll fill in the details later, but I was just remembering all the things I have lost because of my craziness, and am wishing I could have been happy with the things in life that would have made normal people (from here on out will be referred to as “normies”) happy and content.  As I was opening the branches of my 3′ tall tabletop Christmas tree upon a small table in my itty bitty apartment, I was remembering past years-before I decided to uproot my family and throw away most of our belongings and toss out what few traditions my children had and cherished.  I was remembering all the years we took the kids to the Christmas tree farm-even when my son was just weeks old, bundled up and in a pack on my chest-and for every year after until the last time we went when that same son was  old enough wo cut the tree himself.  I remember the kids having snowball fights at the tree farm, the candy canes the owners gave them every year, and how we would always walk every inch of the farm in search of the perfect Christmas tree, only to end up getting one right near the truck.  The kids loved that, and I always hated putting up the tree, but I loved our tradition of going to get it with the kids.  Now, we’re lucky to even put up this small one, as Christmas just isn’t the same anymore. There is no family around, nothing resembling Christmas, really…but Hey! I have the beach…isn’t that what I wanted??